I lost my voice. I tried to get it back but the harder I tried the more elusive it became until I finally listened to my inner critic and just gave up. I got onto my computer today and finally found the courage to click that little button on my bookmark bar that would pull me into my writing world of My Transformation Memoir and to my utter delight it opened up to me like an old friend.
Last weekend I went to Denver and joined 1200 other women to Danette May’s RISE EVENT. Honestly the only reason I went was because my best friend and neighbor signed up to go and wanted me to do the same….so being the good sister that I am I exclaimed “I am in!!”
I almost cancelled because everything blew up at work the week before I left and I was really stressed at thinking I would not be at work to handle the problems, but instead I followed through trusting the universe and my assistant manager to handle it all. I am so glad I did!! Early Friday morning my friend, Sherry, pulled up to my house and I loaded her car, kissed my husband and my familiar, Obi and off I went. The drive was spectacular. I am so blessed to live in the beautiful state of Colorado but because I live in the four corners area in the very southwest tip of the state its a long 7 hour drive but beautiful. Driving through the Rocky Mountains was treat enough but we finally arrived in Denver. We got up at the crack of dawn and made it to the Denver Convention Center.
When we walked in and got out much needed cup of coffee we were then hugged by all these beautiful women on our way to the big ballroom in the center. For two days we were bathed in Danette’s light and love. We listened to incredible speakers and were treated to heart centered music by Ajeet Kaur and Monique Benabou. We saw beautiful dancers, we laughed, we cried, we hugged and celebrated each other. When it was over a sad feeling enveloped me but I was determined to RISE above it.
I got Danette’s book and it resonated with me so strongly and ironically I learned we only lived a half hour away from each other in Utah and now we are both in Colorado. I can think of 6 women right off the top of my head who would love this book so Christmas will be easy this year.
It was hard when I got home because I got greeted by a happy husband and my big boy Obi but the hubs was watching the Ken Burn’s documentary on Vietnam and of course there is a certain man living in a big white house in Washington D.C. that does stuff that drives me nuts so I insulate myself from any news of that guy unless my husband wants to catch me up on it….needless to say that wonderful cloud I had been riding on all weekend promptly disappeared and dumped me right back into reality. Then I had to get right back into to work which has maintained its wonderful consistent level of stress (And I LOVE that!) This weekend is the first chance I have had to integrate all that I learned and thought about. So I worked on me time this weekend. I only have three more chapters left to go in the book and I have painted and have dabbled in some journal writing and now here I am throwing myself out to the world again with my ramblings.
The main message I got from the Rise Event was that this planet and this world we live in is in trouble. I think we all know that. It really doesn’t matter if you vote blue or red the one thing we can all agree on is Shit is getting real out there. The only way we can heal this planet is by healing ourselves….especially women who are the creators of life and the nurturers. We need to step into our power and heal ourselves, our men, our children, and this beautiful Mother we call Earth.
This is a daunting task. For the last few days I have had tears stuck in my throat and its mostly because I do so much for others and my work that by the time I have some time for me I am exhausted. All the fun things I want to do never happens because I am completely depleted. I work 7 days a week. On the weekends I just have to go in for just a bit but then sometimes things happen. Or I go in for a short time but then its time to do things with my husband who spends most of his time alone and because I love this man and love spending time with him I use up my time that I might want to do something fun and creative for me to be with him. Don’t get me wrong….I never regret spending my time with him or friends sometimes but time is something I do not have a lot of. So it truly is difficult to have any kind of balance in my life. And sometimes it begins to be difficult to carrying around the load of responsibility…things begin to break down….like my heart and soul.
Writing was always a healing tool for me and with it being gone from my life for so many years I feel the toll it has taken on me as I stuff everything inside with no outlet for any of it. And frankly if there was ever year for me to write my little heart out 2018 was it. This is a beginning. I am going to set aside my my fear of judgement (especially from my inner critic) and just write until I finally have it back. In my opinion this is extremely weak writing….I have done so much better but you have to get back on that horse so to speak and keep trying to stay on until you have it.