My Transformation Memoir

Being the change I would like to see in the world


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Know Thyself

Yesterday was a bad day….obvious to those who have started reading my blog. However, I knew that it was leading to a shift so I gave myself permission to rant and to play the sad violin for myself. Last night I was gifted with the presence of an angel. She is quite possibly the wisest and most compassionate person on the face of the earth. All she did was hold that precious space for me as I talked to her to work out what my angst was and the solution came from my own voice. That is when you know you are in the presence of a great teacher.

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Now it is time to practice what I preach….to be the change I would like to see in the world. I want to be of service. I want to leave this place just a little better than when I arrived but it just seemed everywhere I turned I was thwarted by my very efforts. Yes…being of service and helping others and our dear Mother Earth is a passion of mine but as my husband asked me the other day “what does that look like?” and I had no answer. I threw out a bunch of stuff and they are all great ideas and aspirations but one must whittle those things down to a specific idea so one can focus more clearly on the “how.” This was a place I have been stuck in for a long time but my own words to my teacher and friend in a letter I wrote clearly stated in black and white what my passion was…..my own healing.

The road up to this point has been a challenging one but I see so clearly where it has been taking me. To my own healing and to the many beautiful things that can, have and will happen as a result. Everything else is simply ego driven and that is not what the world, or anyone for that matter, needs right now. I have spent my life taking care of others and there towards the end it was not going so well. It led to the most devastating trauma I will ever face. The anger at that trauma is finally gone. It left a month or so ago as I realized it has placed me right here at the door step of my own healing and salvation. There is no longer blame at others or myself. It doesn’t matter HOW I got here, only that I am here!

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I have been so stuck on the fact I do not have the resources to continue learning and growing. I was just mired in my own head day after day…spinning my wheels and nurturing the despair at the lost opportunities, lost dreams and lost hope. I read something this morning that confirmed what I figured out last night:

Sooner or later even the most materialistic person will ask, “What is the point of my life? Why am I here going through all these changes?” The very cry of the heart to know is an affirmation that there are answers, however veiled they may seem at the given moment. We tend to believe- or at least hope- that there will be some authorities around who can answer the mystery of our changing lives. The advice given by the oracle at Delphi was “Man, know thyself”- not “seek an expert”.   ~Gloria Karpinsky

She also wrote that she had once read the difference between mysticism and religion is that religion is believing in someone else’s experience of God, whereas mysticism is believing in your own.

I am a fairly new grandmother. I am entering the autumn phase of my life. This is when Mother Earth hands over her harvest and begins to prepare for the winter cycle. It is time to reap what I have sown for myself which strengthens me to give what I have left over to others who need it. I have the wisdom of years of experience behind me that can inspire others to never give up on themselves. It is also time for me to sit with myself and get to know myself and most importantly to appreciate and love who I am not despite my journey but because of it.

It is a shift. A fragile start but one I am committed to. I can see the years of self abuse and self loathing has taken a toll on my face, my body and my identity. My issues live in my tissues to quote a friend and it is time to finally purge the last of the strongholds from my body. All of that pain can be reversed and nurtured to bloom into peace and a knowing I am doing exactly what I need to. In that way I can be of service.

I have been getting a strong message that mindful meditation is where I need to focus much of my energy and to clean up my diet….treating food as my medicine. I need to hold space for myself and that’s it. Its that simple. All the rest will fall into place. The pause will allow me to rest and let the remainder of my story and journey come in. I need to stop pushing and forcing something to happen when that is already out there….one must prepare the soil before planting.

The aggravating pain in my body that is most intense in my hips, lower back, legs and feet is just evidence that my energy is shifting and cycling around once more from the crown chakra to the root…grounding my energy is vital at this point. Looking at my current financial and living situation is proof of that…its all focused on root chakra issues. The over all malaise is just the energy shift. To put it simply SHIFT HAPPENS!

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So I Leave you with a little Rumi:

Pain

Pain comes from seeing how arrogant you’ve been, and pain brings you out of this conceit.

A child cannot be born until the mother has pain. You are pregnant with real trust.

The words of the prophets and saints are midwives that help, but first you must feel pain.

To be without pain is to use the first person wrongly. “I” am this. “I” am that.

“I” am God, like al-Hallaj, who waited till that was true to say it. “I” at the wrong time brings a curse. “I” at the right time gives a blessing.

If a rooster crows early when it is still dark, he must have his head cut off. What is this beheading? As one might extract a scorpion’s sting to save it, or a snake’s venom to keep it from being stoned, headlessness comes from your cleansing connection to a teacher.

Hold to a true sheikh. Strength will come. Your strength is his gathering you closer.

Soul of the soul, moment to moment, hope to draw breath from that one.

No matter how long you’ve been apart. That presence has no separation in it.

Do you want to understand more about this friendship?

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With Profound Gratitude

Sunny

Blog Posts I have Enjoyed Today:

http://fivethirtyeight.com/features/universal-basic-income/

Give yourself a break.

https://blastedgoat.wordpress.com/2016/03/29/the-lost-garden/

https://stavvers.wordpress.com/2016/04/24/things-i-read-recently-that-i-found-interesting-9/

Here’s the Truth about Your Grandmother


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The Drama of our Bleeding

The Drama of our Bleeding is one of my favorite chapters in one of my favorite books written by poet and cancer survivor Mark Nepo. I highly recommend his book for those searching for Spiritual insight.

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He begins about talking about how in order to feel joy you must also feel pain. This immediately caught my attention as I reflected on how I have coped through unbearable pain in my life by going numb. And it helped. I never cried….on the flip side I never laughed (or even smiled) for years. The world seemed cold and gray and there was absolutely no color. Wound after wound was carved into my heart and my numbness just glossed it over with a temporary scab. The wounds continued to fester beneath that scab but I carried on. Eventually I medicated to find relief from my pain which of course as we all know only brought on more pain. New wounds were carved into my heart and the sad thing was these seemed to be carved by my own hand until the festering over came the scabs and I had arrived at my “rock bottom”. This was a very difficult time because I could no longer ignore the pain I was in …..no matter who created the wounds. I lost everything including the last shred of dignity I had.

In The Drama of our Bleeding Mark tells an interesting bit of little known history about the artist and poet William Blake. Before William began the primary printmaking process was called intaglio which is Italian for carving. In other words, the letters (words) were carved into a copper plate. The ink would fill the tiny wells made by the carving which created the print. The print was made from the lack of something…the voids in the copper plate. William created a new process for printmaking called relief etching. In this process everything around the letters (words) is carved or worn away leaving behind the raised lettering. The print was made from the raised parts which transferred the ink to the paper….the letters were made from what was left behind.

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I’ve learned that the life experience uses both gravities to shape us. We are carved in our humanness, the grooves of our wounds and joys holding a blood-ink that leaves a print of who we are. AND we are eroded by experience of what is not essential, revealing the irrespressible edges of what has always been within each of us since birth.

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It was when I hit rock bottom that the relief etching of my spirit began to emerge. What I found buried under all that pain (and all the ego had piled on top of me such as my anger, victimness, self pity, self medicating etc.) was worth exposing. The beauty of my vulnerability and authenticity is truly something to behold. It is the result of my ongoing practice.

As much as I like to read I love to write every bit as much. My writing is just one aspect of my practice. Weekly and sometimes daily I discover another part of my ego that I whittle away to reveal more of my Self. In my reading I learn new teachings that help shape me but it is life experience…especially the painful parts that erode the parts that cover up the true me. Just this work alone can be so daunting as I have to revisit over and over my shadow parts. This work use to be something I avoided with every ounce of my being. I truly thought if I had to relive my pain I would surely perish. Upon rock bottom I no longer had a choice. The only way to overcome it was to go though it. After doing this for a while I was relieved to learn not only did I not die but the treasure I found on the other side of my pain and shame was priceless.

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I know I have much work still to do….a life time of work…but I celebrate the process because with each step the closer I come to Source. If this is what my life is about….if this is all I ever do….it is enough. It takes courage and faith to ride the waves but I do it because each time I do the beauty of the stillness around me shows me such profound Grace.

So I leave you with some thoughts….in what way has life carved itself into you and in what ways has it eroded you into your true and authenticate Self?

Walk in Beauty

Sunny

Posts I recommend reading:

The Blossoming Child

Loving All That Is

https://kekyeeann.wordpress.com/2016/03/16/spirit-of-fractal/

https://ccladu.wordpress.com/2016/03/16/the-drum-circle/

https://bearfootconnections.wordpress.com/2016/03/16/how-shamanic-energy-healing-can-change-your-life-all-life/

 

 


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My past is Like Organic Chemistry

I am a novice when it comes to seeking and embracing my Higher Self. Though I felt the call most of my life I wasn’t exposed to anything other than what I had grown up with and was surrounded with. My parents were not church goers and in fact my father was an alcoholic. Once I became a teenager I found the “party crowd” and that was where I was at until my early 40’s.

When I met my husband Ron in 2009 he introduced me to past life regression and he talked about things such as angels, guides, higher self, intuition, meditation and being authentic and vulnerable. I was intrigued and wanted to know more. Something deep inside me began to hum and though I didn’t really understand it I found myself stumbling onto a different road in my life. Like with anything in my life I resisted the change. I was hungry for this new spiritual diet I was on but I could not help but fight it as I struggled to hold on to my old habits and beliefs. I didn’t really like any of my old habits and beliefs but it was all I knew. I wasn’t sure how to be any other way.

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Seven years later I am an Ordained Minister of Walking Prayers based solely on the teachings of the Indigenous Peoples of the world. For a long while I was frustrated at my past and yes…I was ashamed at some of the things I did. There is a transitional phase when one jumps onto a new road in life. The direction my new path was taking me diverged from the old road. For a while I bounced back and forth until the space in between became to great. I had to make a decision between one or the other. I chose what I called my Spiritual Road and left behind for good the Ego/Materialistic Road.  Then I just wanted to get angry at myself for being on the Ego Road for so long and I shuddered every time I thought about who I use to be, how I use to think, how I use to behave, etc.

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Fork in the Road Sign

Everyone’s path is different. Some of us struggle our whole lives down the Ego Road never understanding why things seemed so unbalanced and painful. Some of us hop on the Spiritual Road early in life knowing their higher selves are in tuned with the Universe and though they have painful things happen to them they seem to have the tools that helps them stay centered and grounded through the tough times. Then there is someone like me (most of us…maybe?) that discovers the Spiritual Road half way through their life and they are forced to make a decision on what road they would like to take to the end.

I look back now on my past and have decided that my past is somewhat like Organic Chemistry. When I was in college to become a Biologist I knew in order for me to get a Bachelor of Science I would have to take Organic Chemistry. Otherwise I could skip it and just settle for a Bachelor of Arts. I had my sights set on being a scientist so there was no getting around Organic Chemistry. At the time the one instructor who taught it at my college was a Professor named Dr. Hammer. Whenever I walked into his class I would be singing “Hammer Time” in my head. He was brutal. He would flunk more students then he would pass and he pigeon holed students. Once a D student always a D student even if the numbers said C. Most of my college colleagues would wait until summer session to take Organic Chemistry so they would have to go to a different university to take it since he didn’t teach summer session. I was so terrified of Dr. Hammer and his Organic Chemistry I waited until the very end to take it. I signed up for summer session and was getting prepared. Unfortunately that summer he decided to teach. Because I had such bad test anxiety and anxiety in general at that time the school counselor wrote up an explanation for me to take it somewhere else (half the faulty was very opposed to Dr. Hammer’s teaching methods but he had tenure). I had a way out but for some reason I felt compelled to just go with Dr. Hammer. I didn’t want special treatment and I didn’t want him to beat me. I had a 4.0 at the time so I was confident I would do fine. I got a D the first semester and I failed the second semester. Lots was going on in my personal life as well but Dr. Hammer did not help. I asked him one time what it would take for me to do better in his class and he suggested I wear a low cut blouse and sit in the front row. In the end I got through Organic Chemistry. It was painful and humbling but everyone swore it would make me a better Biologist….and they were right. I went on to be the Supervisor of the Animal Research Department at The College of William and Mary despite graduating with a 3.5 GPA.

I realized this morning that my past was kind of like that. A necessary evil in my Earth School of Life. I am still not crazy about my past and the myriad of mistakes and poor decisions I made, however I now realize it all made me a wiser, stronger individual as I walk down my Spiritual Road. I am filled with compassion and empathy for those that are struggling on their own life path. If I can help someone I want to but I do not judge them ever. Even when they do things that are hurtful to others and themselves I understand where they are at in their life. If they never get off the Ego Road I do not judge because I have been there and know how difficult and scary it all is.

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I choose to believe that Spirit had me walk down that difficult Ego Road because it knew I would need that knowledge and compassion later on in my Spiritual Practice….much like I eventually needed Organic Chemistry when I was a practicing Biologist.

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I am profoundly grateful for the person I use to be so I could become the person I am today.

That is my “Wisdom Bit” for the day.

Walk in Beauty

Blog Posts I have enjoyed reading today:

https://talesforlife.wordpress.com/2016/03/02/cigarettes-alcohol-such-ordinary-thieves/

https://wordpress.com/read/feeds/1989434/posts/956291589

https://wordpress.com/read/feeds/24418663/posts/955976868

https://mathewlyons.wordpress.com/2016/03/08/memory-and-identity-a-personal-history/

https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/19762394/posts/6925


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Year One

ordination

This picture was taken on April 19, 2015….the day of my graduation and ordination. This was after two years of intense study at The Center for Sacred Studies  which are teachings based on The Thirteen Indigenous Grandmothers and that of the Director Jyoti Prevatt.

I had been writing a  blog for years about my struggles which I deleted today. I decided my new blog would be about my spiritual journey and all the beauty that has come into my life when I accepted grace instead of hardship. The hardships were my lessons and they have opened me up to the world of Spirit. When I was at a very low point I was looking to go back to school (I was a biologist in my former life.) A friend of mine gave me a book to read called Grandmothers Counsel the World. When I was finished reading this book I was hooked. In the back was the link to The Center for Sacred Studies so I contacted them and signed up and that is when my life changed. It wasn’t an easy way of doing things but it was so gratifying and I am very grateful to be a part of this wonderful organization. Upon graduation I was warned that the year following would be full of growth and change.

Right after graduation I found myself without a job so I looked in the paper and found a job listing as a Personal Assistant to the Director of a nonprofit called Adopt-a-Native-Elder. It was one of the most difficult jobs I have ever had but also the most rewarding and satisfying. It made me expand more than any other endeavor. Essentially this is a nonprofit that provides food, medical supplies and other much needed items to the traditional Navajo Elders on the reservation. These Elders do not speak English and still live in their traditional ways that conflict with modern times. These were the Natives that were ripped from their homes and made to go to boarding schools. Many didn’t even do that, instead raising sheep and weaving rugs. However, as they have gotten older many can no longer take care of them selves in the traditional way so we provided relief. The job required that I be an extra set of much needed hands to the Director and also to be on the reservation two months out of the year. Just when I settled into the job and was feeling really good about it my husband and I sold our house in Utah and moved to Colorado January 6th of this year. So I have found myself back to square one. This transition to a new location has been very much like an initiation to me. To learn more about Adopt-a-Native-Elder watch this short video…it is so worth the time.

I am still unemployed but I believe that is because I am being led to something that just hasn’t lined up for me yet. I also would like to start a nonprofit of my own so I am in the research phase of that project. My husband and I bought 7 acres right across the street from Mesa Verde National Park which we will build a very small home on. The land is quite sacred to me and I feel as if my husband and I are now guardians of it. We are just beginning to get started on it now that the snows have melted. In the meantime I try to take as many free classes online as I can to further my education and I am working hard to deepen my spiritual practice.

This blog is in her raw form right now. As I write more it will expand and grow so that it may be a resource for those seeking on their own path. However if no one reads it it will still be a great source of joy and creativity for me. I look forward to my posts ahead.

As the Navajo often say…

Walk in Beauty

Sunny

Blog posts I have enjoyed today:

https://arganesh3.wordpress.com/2016/03/10/walk-your-path/

https://radhikanarasi.wordpress.com/2016/03/10/pain-brings-changes/

https://higherdensity.wordpress.com/2016/03/10/cosmic-awareness-via-will-berlinghof-the-revolution-has-begun/

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What is The Transformation Memoirs?

Mother Earth - EarthFirstNewswire -

My name is Rev. Lisa “Sunny” Day. I became an Ordained Minister of Walking Prayer through the Center of Sacred Studies about a year ago. My transformation journey actually began 5 or more years ago when I began learning about living an authentic life. That journey has taken me many places….one such place was to the Thirteen Indigenous Grandmothers and The Center of Sacred Studies. Upon graduation and ordination I was told my “real” learning was about to start. It has been a wonderfully challenging year….full of triumphs and heartbreak. In other words it has been filled with opportunities to learn and grow. This blog is about those lessons I have learned and continue to learn as I navigate my way through a new and loving relationship with myself and the world. I am not a preacher….or a spiritual master. My journey is about spirituality….not religion. You may not agree with what I share but I am not asking you to accept my word on anything. This is just simply my journey that I feel called to share with anyone who may feel called to read. There is a school of thought that says if you want to change the world you must begin with yourself. This is my very small contribution to saving Mother Earth by saving myself.

With Gratitude,

Rev. Lisa “Sunny” Day

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